The last years

Published 2018-02-13 on Drew DeVault's blog

August 14th, 2019 PYONGYANG IN CHAOS AS PANDEMIC DECIMATES LEADERSHIP. Sources within the country have reported that a fast-acting and deadly infectious disease has suddenly infected the population of Pyongyang, the capital city of North Korea, where most of the country’s political elite live. Unconfirmed reports suggest that a significant fraction of the leadership has been affected.

The reclusive country has appealed for immediate aid from the international community and it is reported that a group of medical experts from Seoul have been permitted to enter via the Joint Security Area. Representatives from the United States Center for Disease Control and the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention have also agreed to send representatives into the country to help control the outbreak.

North Korea is known for it’s unwillingness to cooperate with the international community, particularly with respect to…


October 7th, 2019 NEW APPROACH SHOWS PROMISING RESULTS FOR CYSTIC FIBROSIS. Researchers announced yesterday that they were able to design a disease which corrects the genome of patients suffering from the early stages of cystic fibrosis. The study was shown to stop the progression of the genetic disease in all subjects, and several subjects even showed signs of reversal. The FDA has begun the process of evaluating the treatment for the general public.

Scientists involved explained the process involved using a modified version of the common cold. They were able to reduce the negative effects of the virus, and utilized it as a means of delivering a CRISPR-based payload that directly edited the genome of members of the study. Scientists on the study suggest that in the future, a similarly benign virus could be introduced to the general public to eliminate the disease across the entire human population.

Some scientists are skeptical of the risks of this approach, but others spoke favorably…


September 30th, 2019 UNITED STATES CLAIMS RESPONSIBILITY FOR PYONGYANG EPIDEMIC. In response to increasing alarm in the international community regarding the origins of the artificial virus that took the life of Kim Jong-un in August, the United States government has stepped forward to claim responsibility. President Trump justified the move in a public statement, claiming that the development of North Korean nuclear weapons capable of striking American targets required such a response, and points to the ongoing reunification efforts as evidence of a job well done.

Many leaders of the international community have issued statements condemning the United State’s attack, though some leaders have expressed relief that the speculation regarding a rogue group of biologists was dispelled. Korean officials have also issued statements condemning the attack, noting that several presumably innocent family members of Pyongyang officials were killed, but reaffirmed their commitment to supporting the population of the North and continuing to peacefully unify the peninsula.

The relative ease of the reunification effort, long thought to be impossible, is the result of the incredibly swift and precise nature of the American attack…


November 18th, 2020 BRITAIN TARGET OF BIOLOGICAL ATTACK? Members of the British public have come down with a highly contagious but largely benign form of the measles, igniting panic among the population. The royal family and members of the parliament have been quarantined and the country’s biologists are examining specimens of the disease for signs of human tampering. This is the next in a series of scares, following the flu outbreak in Mexico this June.

We spoke with an expert in the field (who wished to remain anonymous) to understand exactly how biologically engineered diseases are possible. Our expert pointed to recent advances in genetic engineering, particularly CRISPR, which have allowed research in this field to advance at an unprecedented pace for a fraction of the costs previously associated with such research. For a layman’s explanation of what CRISPR is and how it works, see page 3.

Officials in Britain have issued a statement encouraging the public not to worry, and stated that they had no reason to believe…


February 2nd, 2021 LARGE GENETIC DATABASE LEAKED IN HACK. Personal genomics company 23andMe released a statement today admitting that their database of personal genetic records was leaked in a hack in May of last year. The company, founded in 2006, collects genetic records from customers curious in their ancestry and sends them a report of interesting information. The database is said to contain names, email addresses, and samples of each customer’s genome dating back to the company’s inception.

Estimates show that up to 3 million customers are affected, mostly from the United States. The company has not revealed how much of each customer’s genome was disclosed, but experts agree that it would not have been practical for the company to have stored their customer’s full genomes, and caution affected customers against panic. At this time, the identity of the hacker is unknown.

The company’s president attributes the security breach to their reduced ability to maintain a secure database due to their falling profits in recent years as the general public grows more concious of…


June 28th, 2021 OUTBREAK OF DEATHS AMONG “JOHN ROBERTS”. The United States supreme court chief justice John Roberts was found dead in his home this morning, the seventh “John Roberts” to die within the past 3 days. He was found to have the disease which scientists have described as “a new level of sophistication” in biological engineering. A substantial fraction of the entire population is expected to have contracted this disease, but do not show any symptoms. It was specifically designed to target a number of individuals named John Roberts, and all other infected persons were unaffected.

It is believed that the genetic information used in this attack was sourced from the recent leaks of genetic databases from major genetic testing companies, the largest of which were the 23andMe and Ancestry.com leaks in February and April respectively. Experts suggest that the data in the leak was not enough to conclusively identify the justice, and the attackers simply targeted all genomes matching that name.

The senate is expected to vote nearly unanimously on legislation this week which outlaws the collection of genetic information by private companies, a move largely considered…


August 28th, 2022 STUDY SHOWS IMPOTENCE GROWING AT ALARMING RATE. A study conducted by a Japanese team shows the birth rate around the world is decreasing at a dramatically increased pace. According to the study, 42 of the 60 countries included in the study showed a decrease in new pregnancies of 30% or more compared to a similar time frame in 2012. They said the trend is expected to continue, and possibly accelerate.

Japan is known for its research into fertility, as it has shown a steep decline in births over the past…


October 1st, 2022 HUMAN BIRTHS EXPECTED TO CEASE WITHIN ONE YEAR. We are sad to report that biologists have confirmed claims issued last week by a radical environmentalist group: a highly contagious disease engineered to bring about impotence has infected most of the Earth’s population. The group is a member of the so-called “Voluntary Extinction” movement, which aims to drive the human race extinct by ceasing human reproduction. Scientists suggest that this move is highly unlikely to completely drive humanity extinct, but confirm that it’s likely that massive population losses are in our future.

Work is underway to determine which members of the population have escaped exposure, and plan for the continuity of the species. Members of isolated communities are asked to avoid contact with the outside world, and governments are cracking down on travel to and from the more remote regions of their countries. The CDC has reported no estimate on when a vaccine will be available for the disease, but has confirmed that one must be developed before contact with these communities is advisable.

The government of New Zealand announced this morning their intention to send sterilized supply shipments to research teams in Antarctica, and Canada announced that all travel…


Inspired by this excellent (and scary) talk at DEFCON 25: John Sotos - Genetic Diseases to Guide Digital Hacks of the Human Genome